Empowerment

¹⁷ For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. ¹⁸ No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and^[a] is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.

John 1:17-18

     I have been wandering in the desert (so to speak) too long.  I have a strong personality that is called a bulldozer or lion personality.  I also care about people, so I have struggled with a balance all my life.  The struggle has led me to give up power or decisions for my life to others in whom I believed knew better.  This has been a mistake in most cases because I lose a part of myself every time.
     While in Bolivia is was small things and because I was not an independent missionary and a rule follower I went along with some things that I felt were suffocating me. I would probably of done the same thing, but I should have spoken up when and why I was not happy with certain things instead of trying to not rick the boat.  Instead, I tried to keep things to myself and getting lost. 

     I lost my direction, so when my family needed me to come home to help them out after my grandfather's death I said I would.  It was the right choice, but again I left my decisions to others.  It has made me angry and it made it more difficult to adjust back to being in the States.   However, I recognized the symptoms and decided with the new year that I was going to make changes.
     When I returned I said I was going to spend the next year on my relationship with GOD.  I have done that.  It  has been a difficult journey and I am still in the middle, but I am seeing the light and peace again.  My joy is coming back by taking control over my life again.  It is only small things like selling my older car to get a better fuel and dog age appropriate car.  I am taking control of where I believe God is leading me for my future.  It is still a fog, but it is starting to clear.  I am letting a hand full of people really into my life and they have permission to tell me things that could hurt me because I trust that they really love me and want only the best for me.  I have also changed churches.  This has been a surprise for me because I love my home church, but I need to be around strong Christian singles that understand the struggles that I face in this society.
     In a couple of weeks, I am taking a new step out into my journey.  One that I am really excited about and have never allowed myself to do before.  I expect things to change after this, but even if they do not I know this is what God needs me to do for OUR relationship.