A Open Heart

    I have noticed that this month that I have been writing about more personal things and today is maybe one of the most vulnerable.  This weekend I am going to a wedding to a friend.  I am so proud of her for having such an open heart.  She is an American marrying a Bolivian.  He is a wonderful man and I bless their marriage.  At the same time, they are not only going to face problems that marriages face from the same culture.  They have so many different things that are going to be involved.  It is going to require both of them having a heart and great listening skills.  To their benefit, I think they both have that.  They both love God with all their hearts.
  

   I have had my heart broken a couple of times.  After my marriage, I will admit that I have been a lot more than a little hesitant to ever get involved again. God has been working on my heart for years.  It takes more than forgiveness. I have forgiven, but I did not move on.  I always had a good excuse too.  I needed to work through my issues to figure out why I was attracted to people who were not good for me.  Then I focused on my friendships.  Then, I focused on my ministry.  I didn't want any man getting in my way and trying to distract me.  Now, I am on the mission field and I still have valid reasons why not to open my heart. 
   

  I will admit, I don't care about nationality.  I want a man who loves God more than he will ever love me.  However, I do want to come in at a close second.  I know now that I am at a place emotionally and mentally where I could handle a relationship.  That said, it still scares me to death.  I never want to be in the situation I was before.  Divorce was never in God's plan; however, we live in a fallen world. He has forgiven me and I don't believe that He has any intentions on punishing me for that mistake.  My divorce was under His Word.  I don't believe it would be a sin to remarry because I would still be married if I had a man that loved me the way God loves me. 

     But, God has been speaking to me.  If I trust Him to chose the man to spend my life with, to work along side, then I have nothing to fear.  God will not lead me astray. I also realized that so many people avoid becoming Christians until they can make themselves perfect or at least better.  I never had that problem, but with relationships I find that I do.  I wanted to make sure I would not make any mistakes, that I would be perfect.  That will never achieve that.  That also puts pressure on him to be perfect and that is ridiculous.  I am realizing now that I need to be open enough to find a man that will love me and find me beautiful even with all my flaws.  I need to be open to who God puts in my life.   That said, if I do stay single the rest of my life, I am okay with that.  God has a plan.

³ Remember the prisoners as if chained with them—those who are mistreated—since you yourselves are in the body also.⁴ Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.⁵ Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”^[a]

Hebrews 13:3-5New King James Version (NKJV)